Case 5 –Xuling disengagement dispute:
The host: Today is the fourth of July, 2006.Today our Qinggang village announced you two young persons who live in group 1 and 2 of the Qinggang village to come here.And also we announced the matchmaker to come here too in order to resolve the dispute between you two young persons caused by your love relationship.This dispute has lasted for one month.The village have mediated for you several times.The problem has been reported to the village many times.Considering the relationship between you two families,you are neighbors, and then, you two often quarrel, the influence is bad, so today, the village arranged this time,informed you two, that is Zhang Qiang and He Ying and the matchmaker, Peng Ping to come here.Today I will host the meeting and discuss your problem.I hope that when the discussion begins, you would tell us the important things,not the things that have nothing to do with the problem.You should talk about the major problems, tell us your problem, what do you argue for? You should tell these problems sincerely.Today, that is to say, you should not interrupt when introducing the whole problem.In daily life the habit you have formed, when someone else is speaking, you should not interrupt.You should speak when other person end his/her speech.Recently, the village government are very busy, there are a lot of things to deal with.We especially arrange this time for you, so I hope you are sincere.Try to deal with the problem perfectly.Now, you two young persons just keep silent.First, please let Peng Ping, your matchmaker to introduce the problem and then you two add something, and speak out your reasons.You can sit there.
Peng Ping: Ok, as the matchmaker, I will introduce the process of their love relationship.He Ying and Zhang Qiang ,started their love relationship in the beginning of 2005(the Spring Festival), because He Ying and Zhang Qiang, the two young persons are both my relatives, both of them are very young and single, I want to make them fall in love with each other.During the Spring Festival in 2005, taking advantage of this chance, I introduced them to meet each other.And then they knew each other, both of them fell good.So they began to make friends, then during the 2005, according to the custom of the country,both of them met the parents.Relatives, friends met them,they were all content with their love relationship.They all felt good.Then during the year of the 2005, according to the custom of the country, Zhang Qiang , asked me to send his presents to He Ying ’s family for many times.As for He Ying , her parents and He Ying were fond of Zhang Qiang and accepted the presents.And then after accepting the presents, they started the love relationship.The two young persons began to keep contact with each other.Both of them often went to each other’s home.After May,2005,He Ying went to work for others in the cities.After He Ying ’s left, Zhang Qiang thought that she had left, leaving only her parents, when they needed help, for example,holding a birthday party, time for harvesting, he went to He Ying ’s home to help her parents.Then in this aspect,when Zhang Qiang went to He Ying ’s home, he did not do much most of the time but played most of the time.After He Ying’s coming backing in 2006, she complained about their love relationship, thinking that their characters decide that they are not suitable.Then she wanted to end their love relationship, for Zhang Qiang , he felt that he had sacrificed a lot during the year, emotionally and economically.So he wanted to save the relationship, he cherished the relationship very much and wanted to save it.As the matchmaker, I often persuaded them, talking with He Ying and Zhang Qiang respectively, talking about their merits and demerits.I pointed out what they should change.I did a lot of work on them, but He Ying did not agree.I had no idea, as the matchmaker, I had to give up.She wanted to break up their relationship and asked the village to help resolving the problem.You asked me to say something, so I did.Now, He Ying wants to break up the relationship, but Zhang Qiang has sacrificed a lot for He Ying ’s family.We can make out how much the presents that Zhang Qiang has sent to He Ying are worth of.As Zhang Qiang helped doing the farm work for He Ying ’s family, we can also make out how much it is worth.But He Ying doesn’t admit these things.When they were lovers,Zhang Qiang sent presents to her relatives who hosted the birthday party.But He Ying doesn’t admit these presents,because she thinks that these presents are sent to her relatives, why should she admit them? And Zhang Qiang went to her home to help doing the harvest, why should she admit it? She also went to his home to help his family.So this is the point.This is what I want to say, if there is something needing need me to add, I will add something during the discussion.
The host: I want to say something, let me see, what are the first presents? How many bottles of wine did you send to He Ying’s family?
Peng Ping: The first presents are worthy 480 yuan, including a pair of towels, a piece of sheet, and then nothing more.
The host: What are the presents for the second time?
Peng ping: The second presents are some drinks, They are worthy more than 800 yuan.
The host: He only sent the presents twice.When he sent the presents for the third time, you were not at home.
Peng Ping: I went with him twice to send his presents.I did not go with him at the third time.The presents which he said that he had sent to her relatives and friends, I did not know.When they were lovers, they went out to go around the street or go to the fair, as a man, Zhang Qiang must have paid more money.But I can not calculate how much money he cost, so I can not tell more about it.Then He Ying and Zhang Qiang should clarify this sincerely.
The host: I heard that in October, after He Ying ’s coming back,they were engaged.It is said that there are a lot of guests on the day of the engagement.These guests occupied dozens of tables.Zhang Qiang has sent several thousands to He Ying on the day of the engagement, did you know this? It is said that he sent 3000 yuan to He Ying .
Peng Ping: It is me who sent the money to He Ying ’s parents.If I, as the matchmaker, did not send the money, how can it be admitted in the future? I admit that I did send the money.As for He Ying , you and your parents should admit it.Now you wants to break up, then you should give back these money to Zhang Qiang .
The host: Zhang Qiang sent presents twice, and then? How about the third time? As you were not at home, you did not go with Zhang Qiang to send his presents, but one of your sisters went with them.Then, it was October when Zhang Qiang sent his presents for the third time.He sent the 3000 yuan for engagement.Are these all that you know?
Peng Ping: All these are what I know.What I said was based on the facts.Holding to the facts, I hope you two, as both of you are my relatives, thinking that you are suitable for each other in many aspects, can live together.So I introduced you two.But you two feel not good about each other, and are not willing to get together, I’d better accept it.That’s why I sit here to help you resolve the problem.
The host: Just now, the matchmaker, Zhang Ping, talked about what she knew.You two decide whether she said is true or not.Besides, during your love period, it is impossible for Peng Ping to keep in touch with you all the time.There is something that Peng Ping doesn’t know.Peng Ping may do not know something about you two.Now, besides what Peng Ping said, you can talk about your situation if you think what Peng Ping said is not right or you can add something necessary.First, let Zhang Qiang say something,because you complain about the engagement a lot.You refuse to break up and quarrel for several times.This hurt the relationship of your two families.Now you say what you want to say and tell us your opinion.
Zhang Qiang: Peng Ping has talked about the basic situation.When I sent my presents, 1000 yuan, she was not present.Besides, after she went out to work, I helped her family do the farm work which equals to the work of dozens of labors should be worthy 20 yuan a day.I often called her, it cost me several hundreds.It is impossible to ignore these.Besides, each time I went to her home to send my presents,it was according to her family’s arrangement.Besides going to her home, I went to her relative’s home because I was asked to.I have nothing more to say at the moment.
The host: Now, Peng Ping has said something.Now, He Ying it’s your turn to speak out your reasons.
He ying: Here, the cadres of our village ask our two families together to discuss the marriage problem.Although Peng Ping has introduced the basic situation and Talked about the detail as much as possible, I want to say something.At the beginning, when I was at Peng Ping’s home, aunt Peng Ping told me that Zhang Qiang was a good man and she praised him a lot.She said how excellent he was.At that time, I said since you said he was good, I would like to make friends with him first.In the beginning, after some time’s communication, I felt that we were not very suitable.As to marriage, I think it relates to my whole life.If we marry immediately without deep thought, we will not be happy in the future.So my suggestion is to break off the engagement.We often quarreled whenever we met each other.We have turned to the village cadres for help,but they were busy, so they asked us to turn to the group cadres.My family were content with the results which were decided by the group cadres.But his family were not content, he complained here and there.My reason is that we got on very well with each other at the beginning, we went the fair and did farm work together, but after some time, I gradually found that he played cards with the indecent guys.He thinks he is a man.I complain about this to him and he would not take my suggestion.We always quarreled about trivial things.At the beginning, I felt that we had nothing in common, when I talked about one thing, he would talk another thing.So we can’t get together, he is strange.Besides, I found that his mother was very garrulous.Now she behaved like this, what would happen after I married him? If I married you, you would ask me to do the farm work and would find me troubles,you often did this.Because of this, I went out to work for others in the cities and did not tell you whether I agree the marriage or not.The elder people who asked you to keep the love relationship, they could control you, but I could not.So I went out to work for others.During the time, his family hurried me to marry him.At the beginning I came back and I did not agree the marriage.He sent some presents to my family through Peng Ping, the matchmaker,and I accepted them.I agreed the matchmaker’s saying about how much money he had sent and how many bottles he had sent.As for the sheet, we did not use it, because he said we would use it when we were married.I admitted that when he first sent presents to me, there were 480 yuan.Both the towels and sheet are kept well.I did not use them and I will give them back to him.In the second time, he sent me some wine and they are worthy more than 800 yuan.He said they were worthy more than 800 yuan,but they were not, he bought it from the street and they are very cheap.They were not really worthy more than 800 yuan at all according to the real price.I did not agree with him at this point.The presents that he sent to me for the third time were not worthy more than 1000 yuan, they are worthy only several hundreds at most.Now, in front of the matchmaker, the village cadres, you convert these presents into money and I will pay back.He said he did farm work for my family, I would say that I did farm work for his family too.When you came to my home, you did farm work on your own accord and we did not force you to do.If I wanted to employ a worker, I can afford 30 yuan for each day, let alone 20 yuan.You said that you came to help me.Do you ask money for sweeping the floor or watching something? When my brother went to buy a cow, he would join him and he asked money for this, how come! If I employed a worker, I would give him 20 yuan for food expense, if he wanted the wage, I would not give him the food expense.When he came to my home, I would kill my pig for him.What he had is worthy more than the wage he asked.You would come here to ask for wages.When I employed workers to help doing my farm work, did not I treat them to wines and delicious food? Should I give you wages and not mind your food? Our food expense is not worthy your wages for the work done? The purpose of your help was to please my parents, why not come? If you want wages, you can ask them from my parents.If they will give you, that’s better.If they do not, I think your requirement is not reasonable.When we were lovers, you bought me some presents, and I have given them back to you.Sometimes when we went to the fair together, you saw beautiful clothes and wanted to buy it, but you had not enough money, so I gave you the extra money.You bought clothes of 120 yuan.Did I ask you to give the money back?I did not.At one time, we went to the fair together, you wanted to buy a pair of beautiful shoes and the shoes were suitable for you.The boss said the shoes were worthy 50 yuan, I cut it down to 30 yuan.It was me who paid the money, not you.I did not ask you to give the money back to me.You are very calculating, it’s nonsense.We will pay what we should, we are reasonable.Your opinions, as it is said that there is marriage law, and we are all here.Since you want to ask these presents back, we will list these things in front of the village cadres and the matchmaker, I will pay you what I should immediately before the cadres.I would like to solve it this time in order to avoid more troubles.I hope you will not to come to my home pestering me for something.After my leaving the village to work for others, you often came to my home and asked something from my parents.Parents have no other way to do and then called us back.Since we were back, you shouldn’t engage my time.I will deal with it.After dealing with it, we are supposed to be responsible for our own things.In the near future, I will go out to do my job.With regard to me, you can’t involve me in this matter.My point is what you have done will affect our mood and our efficiency as well as production.In addition, it’s hard to deal with the problem in other village.You do your things.After the problem is settled down, I will not interfere in your matters.If I have a love relations with other person, you‘d better not intervene.That’s my opinion.Now I would like to hear the cadre’s opinion.If there is anything needs further explanation, I will add something.
Host: I have just heard about the introduction of the problem from the introducers as well as your introduction matters respectively.Now, I know from what you said that you were satisfied with each other at the beginning.As for me and the village, you two young people, if you can start a kind of romantic relationship, it’s good.We will support you.But with regard to marriage… In the process of your mutual understanding, things will vary from time to time.Just now, Zhang Qiang said, he was very satisfied with He Ying , so he voluntarily helped do some works In He Ying ’s home and sent them some things several times.However the time you spent with each other is short.Maybe at least one year, and Zhang Qiang sent you things three times.That is to say, Zhang Qiang was satisfied with He Ying , so her family receive these presents.He also went to visit them during that one year.And when it was October, He Ying was informed of coming back for engagement.This engagement, it’s a matter of money.It’s a matter of money.3000 Yuan.I want to know whether you have any problem with the 3000 Yuan
Host: No arguments about the 3000yuan.The primary arguments are about the things sent by Zhang Qiang for the three times, three times.The first costs 480 Yuan, the second 800 Yuan, and the last 1000 Yuan, maybe more than that.Probably, the quotation on the part of the male’s side is more than 1000 Yuan.As for the female side, they are not satisfied with the male’ quotation.Maybe you decide to split up with each other and parents in your families have contradictory ideas.About money, they have quarreled with each other several times.Reconciling with each other and keeping your romantic relationship seems impossible and unrealistic.Impossible.That’s to say, the amount of money mentioned by the male side can’t be accepted by the female side.They do not admit it.The contradictions between your two side are probably here.Now Zhang Qiang , please tell us in detail about the presents you sent for the first and second time, and you should be more careful to calculate whether the presents you sent the three times are really worthy 480 yuan, 800 yuan and 880 yuan, and with another 1200 yuan.You should see whether these present are worthy so much.You should not quote more than its true price and otherwise the female side will not admit it.After you quote it, you should be honest.Anyway, we can sit and discuss with each other in a pleasant way.Now, the members of your two families and Peng Ping’s family are relatives.For the sake of it, in the future, if the relationship breaks, you still can be friends.Furthermore, you are youth with knowledge.That’s to say, you should not pester with each other on the issue of property.Now, Zhang Qiang , please be sincere and honest to state it, the conditions of the presents sent for the three times.From the male side,that’s Zhang Qiang , please talk about these presents in a more concrete and exact way.
He Ying: Please allow me to say something.He said the cost is 3000 yuan, not so much as 3000 yuan.Things that he sent to my relatives had nothing to do me.Things that he sent to my relatives are merely worthy 3000 yuan.The presents he sent for the first time are worthy 480 yuan.The money for drinks for the second time is worthy 800 yuan if converted into money.The third time, the presents are worthy more than 1000 yuan.That’s to say the total sum is less than 3000 yuan.The things you sent to the relatives and friends, with the things you sent to me are worthy 3000 yuan.I help you do some work and you just took it for granted.I want to use the work I do for you to offset the money for presents.It’s not my business that you sent the things to the relatives.You are willing to sent things to them.You should not connect it to the marriage.Although it is true.Regarding this connection, you think that they are my relatives, so you think it is necessary to do that but I didn’t ask you to do that.You put all the money together,I disagreed.
Zhang Qiang: As for the matter of sending things, it is arranged by your family.
He Ying: Now that it’s an arrangement, you are asked to sent,and…
Zhang Qiang : Arranged to send.I cannot refuse.
He Ying: Nonsense.The things you sent to relatives are…
Host: For the first time, the presents you sent are worthy 480 yuan.
Zhang Qiang: Firstly, let me say something.As regards to the money I sent for the first time is 480.There should be no argument, including towels and sheets with the price of 200 yuan.And another two persons and they are your relatives coming, how much were the two sheets.
He Ying: The towels and sheets were not worthy 200 yuan.Regarding the two sheets, you are willing to send to them.It’s none of my business.Because what you sent to them is not the marriage present you sent to them.
Zhang Qiang: What, what I did is for the engagement.
He Ying: isn’t it you who gave the two sheets to them? You send the sheets from your own will.If you did not send them sheets, I have no objection.I didn’t force you to do that, so I would not admit the money for the sheet.
Zhang Qiang: it was indeed for this matter, or what’s my purpose in sending these things.
Host: Excuse me, the 480 yuan includes…for the inviting guest,two sheets and a pair of towels.
Zhang Qiang: no, no, that 480 yuan is in cash.
He Ying: 480 yuan, yes, cash, a pair of towels and a sheet.These are for my family.I admit this, but I do not admit things including things you sent to my two relatives.That’your own idea, I didn’t get these presents, I could ask them to return them to you.
Host: Regarding 880 yuan for the second time, including anything?
Zhang Qiang: For the second time.Actually no money, and all I sent are presents.I calculate them roughly.
He Ying: Several bottles of wine.
Zhang Qiang: As regards to that, it’s true, sending so many things and visiting some families.
He Ying: He counted the money by himself.Those things you sent to my relative and together with my family, you calculated by yourself to see what the price was.You…you didn’t give us money the second time, the money was converted into…drinks and some other things, including beverage, you just converted the money into things, about 800 yuan, you said.Actually, the total price could by no means amount to 800 yuan.The drinks were not worth 800 yuan.At that time, nobody agreed with that, we didn’t care how much you sent.So…it was not serious.
Host: Ok the 880 yuan for the second time, including presents for He Ying ’s relatives.She has many brothers.Maybe all of He Ying ’s relatives received presents.
Zhang Qiang: Yes it is.I sent sweets and something else to all her relatives.
Host: How many families have you been to and how many families where the old live in have you been to.
He Ying: Oh, some sweets, two packets of sweets and two bottles of drinks.How much are these things, furthermore you have sent these things to them voluntarily, to my elder relatives or to others.It was your own business.It was your business to send these things.These…, that’s to say…you are willing to send them to flatter my relative.
Host: In light of the things Zhang Qiang sent for the second time, I was heard, when He Ying ’s father was celebrating his birthday, you sent it to them.
Zhang Qiang: Yes, I went to their home at that time and went to several families.
Host: How about the third time: 1200, 1200 yuan, as the march-maker said just then, she didn’t go with you two,never it was her sister who went with you, but couldn’t explain this matter clearly.So the 1200 yuan.Do you have any arguments?
Zhang Qiang: Hi,1200 yuan, and actually more than that.
He Ying: The 1200 yuan is the cash.I admit it.But I can’t agree with what you said more than 1200 yuan.Although the matchmaker didn’t come at that time, I admitted the money.You did bring it to us.My mother accepted it.My parents here admitted it.We also admitted it.We were not the person whom you thought were not reasonable.However, I admot the 1200 yuan.But you said that it was more than that price, really? Please calculated it carefully.
Zhang Qiang: As regard to the money, it was 1200 yuan,together with the drinks and sweets I bought.Shouldn’t they be included?
He Ying: How much did you spend on these sweets? The price was too low to mention.It equals to make friends, just like relatives and friends.If you came, I would also…..what you sent, it was impossible for me not to cook for my relatives, so was the case with you.So, you had dinner and stayed here for several days.If I calculated them, the price was more than that of the sweets.You took nearly all the things into account.
Host: These prices are presented by the male side.They are as follows: 480 yuan, 880 yuan, 1200 yuan, as for the female side, there is no arguments about the 480 yuan and the latter 1200 yuan.Maybe, the things sent by Zhang Qiang converted in cash are higher than their true value.
Zhang Qiang: The 480 yuan I sent the first time, and something I sent were more than 200 yuan.Finally, the 3000 yuan for the engagement should be considered.
He Ying: How could be 200? There shouldn’t be 200 yuan.You said you sent 3000 yuan, which was the total price.Actually, it wasn’t worth that.You calculated it roughly.There’s only 3000 yuan, just then the matchmaker said so.
Zhang Qiang: How about the things in April?
Host: Engagement, the 3000 yuan spent on the engagement.It was accepted by the matchmaker, and then the matchmaker gave it to your parents.This time, that was to say, the money, you sent it before engagement—according to the country’s custom.That was local custom.The male side actually sent 3000 yuan during the engagement, and it was in cash.As Zhang pin said, the 3000 yuan was accepted by her and sent it to He Ying ’s parents.
Zhang Qiang: Yes it was so.
He Ying: Because I worked for others in the city at that time,I didn’t know that.I really didn’t know whether he gave it to my parents or not.
Zhang Qiang: Your parent got it.
He Ying: Really, I haven’t heard their talking about it.
Zhang Qiang: At least, you can ask them.
He Ying: If they admit it, we will return it to you, if not, we will not return it at all.Anyway…
Host: Regarding it, actually you didn’t receive it, but your family received it.The 3000 yuan, they gave it to your family.Although you didn’t get, this one, this… we, visited your village and knew it was true.We heard that when you had the engagement, you hosted the engagement party,and it was very boisterous.The male side sent your family 3000 yuan.They prepared, after your engagement, and you should choose a date.After that, you should get married during festival and that was to say, after He Ying ’s coming back during festival.After that, she denied it, denied it.So, to the male side-Zhang Qiang… his family has been dissatisfied.The things sent for these times.If,in addition, in addition to the things sent these times,besides them, labor force was another problem.The male side said they sent more than 30 persons to work for your family.Finally, this…they worked, they worked for He Ying ’s family when He Ying was out.Now, the male side requires that these labor forces should be converted into cash.Labor force, each one, needs 30 yuan to do a project.
He Ying: It’s not worth that much,30 yuan per project.It is not the metropolitan city.Like me, I can’t earn 30 yuan per day.So in our village, just below 10 yuan per person.Otherwise, they were at my home for dinner.How about these?
Zhang Qiang: Below 10 yuan, it is impossible to invite some one to work for you.
He Ying: It is not the same matter.In our village, you help my family and I help yours, and….sometimes when I do work for others.There are still someone helping my family.Sometimes, if my father isn’t engaged, he would help other family with harvest when they are busy.In that condition, he should be paid, but why he doesn’t require it.That means courtesy demands reciprocity.You help my family.So, these things shouldn’t be included, I don’t agree with it.
Zhang Qiang: Disagree? What I have done is for this matter,which cost me so much time.So it was impossible to deny it.
He Ying: My family also helped your family, how about the work my family do for yours? Why you didn’t count it.And,labor force in the village is very cheap.Regarding to our village, it is impossible that you require 30 yuan.
Zhang Qiang: With regard to this matter, it was not me to deny the engagement.
He Ying: You can deny, for marriage is free.You are like that although we are not mwrried.The situation will become worse if you and I live as a couple in the future.I should cancel marriage in advance.
Host: With regard to the problem, so I advice you to come here without informing your parents.You are young with knowledge.In the particular, He Ying works outside and knows plenty of things.So, she should know more about the modern society.Your thought should be more advanced.If you ask your parents to come, it becomes more difficult to deal with this problem.We can’t mediate for you.Because you are both young people and have the knowledge higher than junior level, you should understand the Marriage Law of our country.Marriage is liberal and independent.Because in principle, both of you agree on the marriage, it is valid after getting the marriage certificate and it doesn’t need to give presents to each other.But according to the custom, we should take all the details into consideration for, that is to say, the marriage needs the matchmaker and engagement.Through these forms, the marriage relationship can be established.So that’s the custom you can’t resist.You, the young people,have advanced ideas.But if your family want to do in this way, you can’t resist it.So you are engaged, money has been granted and the rural custom has been followed.But now, you take it for granted that your parents have done many work for you and you should have a happy marriage.These presents, these presents maybe for the marriage.In the present situation, if you don’t get along with each other well, property are involved.As for the engagement,your love relationship is not protected by the law.Not protected.If one of you doesn’t agree, you can terminate this marriage relationship at any time and that is to say,there is no need to mediate for you.If one of you doesn’t approve of the engagement, it isn’t valid.The problem is concerned with your property, several thousand RMB you have sent, yes, several thousand and the labor you have devoted which can be converted into money.Maybe both of you are very angry, especially Zhang Qiang.He is wholehearted to the marriage and has devoted much money and labor.After getting along with each other for one year, he gets the result that He Ying wants to terminate this relationship.He must be very angry.So in terms of the property, you hold firmly to get your money back.Maybe the idea he holds is that in the country-side,everything must be returned clearly including one needle and the thread.Regarding the problem you can’t handle easily and your thought, I think that you, Zhang Qiang, as an educated young man, your thought is not right.On the whole, we respect your custom, respect your custom.Now the presents have been sent.The female side has admitted.Although they have admitted some important things, some other small things and details are not admitted.So both of your family still have contradictory ideas.Today, you should open your eyes and calm down.Your thoughts should not be out of time and old, just like the old people.Actually after you terminate your love relationship, as the young people, you can also be ordinary friends and have dealings with each other.So don’t haggle over every ounce.I think, for this problem, you should open up your mind,yes, open up your mind and don’t always pester with each other.Now, for the property problem and the labor force you have devoted, everybody should make some concessions.Don’t haggle over every ounce.Don’t calculate all the things.You should make some concessions.Especially the food, it’s hard to store.The food should not be calculated.Both sides should discuss this problem calmly.In my opinion, your situation is not very complicated.All these things, 480,880,1200, maybe not true.The accounts the female side offers may also not be true.The male side hasn’t calculated clearly.The expense for the people who go with you and the gifts for the matchmaker need to be included.Maybe he hasn’t calculated these things, he hasn’t.The female side considers that the value of the things he hasn’t calculated is not true, so they do not admit.So you have quarreled about these things for a long time.The quarrel affects the harmony.Everybody in your village knows you and the matter you quarrel about.You have said if the female side insist, the male side will interfere in and ask for returning all the things he gave to her.That’s not right, not right.Of course, the male side thinks that at first you get along with each other well, but the female side wants to work for others in cities; if the woman see the outside world,she will has a love affair and look down up on you.So you are very angry with her.If the female side really works for others in cities and know other people, it’s normal.She has the right to choose, choose.Before you getting the marriage certificate, she can make choice at any time.This is her freedom.You, the male side, should not loose your temper and always think the woman has changed her mind as she is working for others in cities.Even if the woman has changed her mind because of working in cities,it’s reasonable.The female side doesn’t want to keep this kind of relationship.And the male side likes playing cards and does it whenever he is free.He doesn’t like study.
Zhang Qiang: That’s nonsense.
Host: Not now…
He Ying: You also have worked for others in cities with your friends.Say something about that.I have visited you several times, but you were not satisfied.The reason why I want to work for others in cities is that I have no words with you and I’m tired of quarreling with you.So I worked in cities in a fit of pique.You were afraid that I disagreed on the engagement, so you met my parents secretly,worked for them and chatted with them and you also asked for engagement quickly.Why did you not wait me back and ask for engagement? I didn’t come back but you did it.The old people are feudal minded.It’s up to you.If you want to flatter them, you just give them some candies and they will be so happy.They are so satisfied if you give them some candies.You gave some sweets and biscuit to them and you ate together.After you eating them, these old people stand on your side.So while I was at home, you were engaged to me and gave some money to my parents.So I didn’t know it at all.I was not at home but I engaged to you because my parents approved, that is to say, in the village, parents can make any decision for their children.I don’t believe this.Why did you make decision for me? Why did I want to work for others in cities at that time? That’s because I have no words with you.I was tried of communicating with you.So I want to work in cities and indeed I enlarge my horizon.I’m better than you.Nothing is worthy of your arrogance.Much more people are better than you in terms of the appearance and knowledge.What you did is just flattering my parents in order to make them comply with you, but I don’t care.I disagree on the engagement.The committee in our village is the witness.What my parents have admitted to receive will be returned to you entirely.And other things that you gave to the relatives…that….I have also sent gifts to you but I haven’t asked you to return.You can’t receive the presents you have sent.I won’t admit.
Zhang Qiang: Not for this…
He Ying: The gifts you gave to the relatives, do you want me to return?
Zhang Qiang: If not for this, why should I send presents?
He Ying: I don’t know why you want to do.I don’t know why.
Zhang Qiang: That’s the arrangement your family made at that time.
He Ying: Who made the arrangement for you? You wanted to win my relatives approval, so you gave gifts to them and they helped you.Those are the things you sent to them.It’s unreasonable to ask them to return the things.
Zhang Qiang: I have given food, things to your neighbors and relatives and also attended their birthday parties and feast.How about the work that I did for your family? No matter who you marry, these things cannot be.(https://www.daowen.com)
He Ying: anyway, that’s the case.
Host: This…this…
He Ying: If you can handle this problem well, that’s good; if you can’t, it’s ok.I can’t control you.
Host: This is, this is not good.You are the young people, but your minds are out of time.Zhang Qiang , your idea is not right and your statement is wrong.Zhang Qiang , please give us your opinion in detail.How much do you think the male side…the female side should return to you?
He Ying: If you can handle this problem well, that’s good; if you can’t, it’s ok.I can’t control you.
Host: This is, this is not good.You are the young people, but your minds are out of time.Zhang Qiang, your idea is not right and your statement is wrong.Zhang Qiang, please give us your opinion in detail.How much do you think the male side…the female side should return to you?
Zhang Qiang: Anyway I have given the things three times plus the money for engagement.That’s 5000, 5700 or 5800.And during the year you worked in cities, I have paid 500 telephone fare at least.
He Ying: Did I ask you to call me?
Zhang Qiang: And the labor work, there were at least 30 people.20 Yuan one day, that’s 600 in total and I also worked on some weekends.I have to send gifts when I visit your relatives and attend the birthday party and feast.That’s at least several hundred Yuan.
He Ying: Are you robbing? 20 Yuan one day?
Host: You calculate all the things.How much are they worthy?
Zhang Qiang: Over 7000 Yuan totally.
He Ying: Over 7000 Yuan totally?
Zhang Qiang: Yes.
Host: How much can you admit, He Ying ? How much can you admit among the 7000 Yuan the female said just now?
He Ying: I’ll return it.And I’ll also calculate all the things.The sheet you gave to me is still there.I’ll return the things.
Zhang Qiang: Those things, you want to return now.I refuse to get them back.
He Ying: At last, I’ll return all the things to you.I admit the money you gave to aunt Zhang.You said we should pay for 7000 Yuan.You should calculate more carefully.Did I really owe you 7000 Yuan? In the presence of the village committee, if we can handle this matter well, we are both reasonable and trustworthy.If you don’t want to handle it well, I don’t care about you.I’ll leave and work in cities tomorrow.I don’t care and if you want to find me, you can go to my parents.
Zhang Qiang: Only if you…
He Ying: You can go to my parents.Anyway, I’ll work in cities,regardless of the consequence.You said you have got you money, I …
Zhang Qiang: it’s up to you.You can’t escape wherever you go.
He Ying: We haven’t got the marriage certificate.Should I be afraid of you? You are not guaranteed by the law.I don’t care.
Host: Now, I’ll say something.First of all, it’s about your love relationship.Do you have any sincerity and desire to keep the love relationship?
He Ying: No.No one wants to keep that relationship with him.
Zhang Qiang: That’s ok.No one wants to be with you.
Host: Ok.Both of you don’t want to hold the relationship.This, this property problem caused by engagement, just as you said, there is considerable gap between you.In my opinion, we’d better pay much attention to the significant things instead of the small things, especially the food.Since it is so, you don’t have the marriage relationship afterwards.You can also be friends.When it comes to the property problem, you’d better calculate the significant things rather than the small ones.And regarding the untrue accounts, don’t add too much except the true value.Both of you should seek truth from the facts, so you can have the same mind and stop quarreling.Today,fortunately, your parents are not present.If you ask them to come, you may quarrel more fiercely and even fight.Today, you should make some concessions, especially Zhang Qiang.You should not consider that the female side doesn’t want to marry you, so you are so angry.If you come to solve this problem with anger, it’s ….You should be tolerant and be a man.Your family condition is good and you are very clever.You can find a nice girlfriend.Don’t care about the bad effects this matter caused.Everybody knows it and doesn’t dare offend you.You should be a little tolerant and handle this problem well.
He Ying: In my opinion, I admit the first time, 480 Yuan.The second time, some candies and drinks he said were not costly.I don’t think they cost 800 Yuan, at least 500 Yuan.The third time you paid 1200 Yuan, I admit it.And when I’m not at home, you gave the betrothal gifts to my parents in face of the matchmaker, that’s 3000 Yuan and I admit it.1200, 480, 500, the total is 5200.I admit 5200 Yuan.The sheet and the towel you gave to me are put in my drawer.I never use it.As for that sheet, how much do you think it costs? And the shoes, I even don’t want to talk about.You ask me to pay for the telephone fare.I’m afraid that you also want to calculate the fee you called my relatives.You said I should pay for the labor force but I never employ you.If I employ you, I’ll give you salary.But I didn’t employ you.
Zhang Qiang: I never do work for others but for your family.
He Ying: Did I employ you to do so? If you didn’t work here,you must work in other family.Didn’t work for others?Didn’t work for Pu? Did they pay you money?
Zhang Qiang: Those, there are human obligations.I help others and he does it for my family.
He Ying: So you still do things for others.My father ploughs for you.How about these things? They should not be paid,should they?
Zhang Qiang: I’m afraid that I do things for you for dozens of days, but he doesn’t do thins for me for at least one day…
He Ying: These? These are things that you are willing to do.That is to say that if I have a house, I can give it to any one I like and I will not regret for what I have done.Things are not always reasonable.
Host: As for my opinion, in terms of economy, it is about 5000 yuan.On the female side, the presents as well as engagement cost amount to 5000 yuan, while on the male side, 7000 yuan, so 7000 yuan includes the labor force and the presents sent to relatives and friends, presents.So my opinion is that, the female side, they are not unreasonable people, the presents sent to them, they admit sincerely, so let’s sincerely deal with this problem.Zhang Qiang, you are emotional.Through observation, we find that you are not satisfied.According the law of our country, marriage is registering in institute and getting the certificate.It is protected by law.As for engagement,engagement, it is an informal promise, of course, if people need it according to thousand-year-long tradition,we are not against it, but it is not legal marriage.As for our village, we do not object it, neither do we interfere in it, but we do not advocate it.The engagement, the engagement, you have done, we do not hinder, not hinder,as long as it is done, it is not protected by law.Engagement is unstable, unstable and not protected by law.The property involved in marriage, I think you should pay attention the main part, not the unimportant one.The main part is the 5000 yuan mentioned by the people form the female side.I think it is reasonable, reasonable.As for Zhang Qiang, I think you include the presents sent to relatives and friends as well as the one sent to her relatives and friends.This is hard to mention, for it’s impossible for them to return the presents.He Ying is likely to return the presents to you.She may return the money and she may also return you the presents, but the presents Zhang Qiang sent to his uncle and He Ying ’s uncles and aunts, it’s impossible to ask her to return neither is possible to ask her to get these presents back from her uncles and aunts.
He Ying: He even include the matchmaker, these are all included in while the match maker is invited by him.
Host: This is impossible to return.If they… if the returned presents are turned into money, they couldn’t understand.That is to say, her family holds a birthday party and you go to the party, this depends on Zhang Qiang himself, his will.Although you go to the party for the marriage, no body is forcing you to do this and there is also no body forces you to do these things.The presents sent to others, just forget it, forget it.As for labor force, you go to her home and find she going to do work for others in big city and her family is lack of labor force, so there is any work you just do it for them.You are sincere to do, very sincere.So now that the relationship is like that, the work you do at her home, all the work you do.Just now, it’s funny to talk about that, when we talk about that, there is indeed a problem.In fact, you come to her home and her parents are happy and all the work is done, so they think highly of you, in this aspect, I think that…
He Ying: That’s because that he knows how to make my parents happy.
Host: Labor force, this part, just forget it.For youth, labor force, you use it today and you can still use it tomorrow.So if in the future, there is something in your family, He Ying ’s family will also do all they can to help you.This is human obligation，courtesy demands reciprocity.You think that nothing will happen to you in the future? Actually,something will happen to you in the future, you should help me in return.So in my opinion, this part, the labor force, just forget it, so does the presents sent to relatives.So, just forget it.So, just forget! My opinion is that only these are counted.One is 480 yuan, one is 880 yuan.The two amount to 1360 yuan.1360 yuan, there is another 1200 yuan, with the 1200 yuan, the sum total is 2560.With another 3000 yuan, the 3000 yuan is for …
He Ying: I don’t think so, and let me count.The first one is 480 yuan, that is the money for drinks and he counts himself.With biscuits, wine and candies, the sum total is 880.Actually, that’s too much.Let me count, 500 is more than we need.
Host: Ok…
He Ying: The 480, it is in cash and the 800 are all counted by him.It’s said that the 1200 is also in cash and later, the betrothal gifts, the 3000 is also in cash.Now, we admit the money.If I am reasonable, I will return all the money to you, I will return you 5000, but if I am not reasonable, I will not return you one cent.Do I invite you to send the money to me? I didn’t ask you to give me money.
Host: Ok.You speak.
He Ying: If you are reasonable, I will return you 5000, but if you are not, I do not care.You…no matter what you say, I do not have energy to pester with you about this.If you are reasonable, I will return you 5000 to settle down this problem, if not I will not return you the 5000.
Host: The money 2360 I got just now, with the later 3000,there is only 5360.The female side, their opinion is that she will only return you 5000, so there is a gap of 360.As for you labor force, 30 projects, as well as the quilts sent to relatives and friends and something else sent to relatives and friends, such as plowshare, birthday cost and the presents sent to relatives.All these are not ignored,because it’s difficult to count and it’s hard for us to get the evidence.According to what you say, and …
He Ying: The presents, there are presents sent by him.But they are the presents he gave others.Now that they have been sent to others, how can I count the value?
Host: Generally speaking.Everything… just like you said, the female side will return you 5000 yuan and the case is done.The two sides will not pester with each other.Ok, no pester any more.So what’s our opinion?
He Ying: I agree.
Cheng Gang: I do not agree.Labor force is not counted in, so what I did is for nothing? And the presents I sent to others is not for this.Why I didn’t send things for others and only for your parents?
Wangying: You are willing to do it.You want to win others’heart.You just want to do it, it’s none of my business.These, I don’t ask you to give presents to others.
Zhang Qiang: …And, the 5000 you counted just now does not include all the cost.
He Ying: These money are counted by … you count.How much does the biscuit you bought cost? These biscuits grow mold and these candies suck, so nobody wants to eat these things.These things you bought, the things you bought,the candies just become soft.In our village, the things given are not good, but he still likes to eat them.How beautiful and how delicious! At that time, people get along quite well with each other, so they do not care….He bought these things, but just look at these shabby trousers,these dry biscuits, how much are these things worthy? You just go to count yourself.I am afraid that the two-yuan thing will be counted into 5 yuan.No way, you cannot count in this way.If you are reasonable, you, we… we have a sincere talk in a friendly way, so we can deal with this problem.Unexpectedly, on the contrary, we can make friends with each other, if we can, I think that in from of these cadres, we can settle down the problem.I only need to pay you 5000.Don’t you think so? If you do not agree with this, there is no 5000 and even 500 is impossible.
Host: In my opinion, now that, village holds this mediation, I hope that you two side should respect the opinion of the village.So respect the opinion of the village and the village just listen to the opinion of both sides and I give you an advice, the female side give 5000 to the male side and everything is done.Nothing should be mentioned any longer.I should…you should…should understand…should understand.If you do not respect the mediation of the village and continue to pester with this, you can only go to the court.In that case, you all need to go to the court.The fee for cancel，and the relationship between the two families becomes worth and it is not good for harmony.While sometimes, you need to pay for an agent.The 5000…the court will not…will not take charge of the case.This is a small tangle, not a big one.I hope that you two sides will respect the opinion of the village and also respect the opinion of the countryside.As for my opinion, I advise you… advise you to keep the good relationship between the two families.Firstly, I advise you two to keep the relationship as lovers, I hope you two, you two match each other and are relatively young people talking love.If both of you are not willing to keep the relationship, especially the female, I think that we can stop talking about this caused by the division of the possessions.Just now, you both sides said that after talking with each other, you both found that this is only an argument about 5000…or 2000.The argument about 2000, I think that you can talk about this from the past.You have been in love with each other for several years.That means you two have been lovers for several years, so you two just get experience from this.Do not care much for the money since you both get experience.So do not care much for the money any more.If you two still want to pester with each other, the countryside government, they cannot take much time to deal with this problem for you.You two can skim the Marriage Law, just skim the Marriage Law.You both should study the law, study the law to learn whether your situation will be protected by law or not.
He Ying: I read the Marriage Law and I really have a look at it.It says that the money should not be returned.He gives it to others out of his free will and nobody forces him to do it.So if he is reasonable, just like you said, I will return him 5000.I really read the law and it says he give these things out of his free will which means I should return the money.…
Zhang Qiang: My marriage is not protected by the law, but my possessions should be protected by the law.
He Ying: I said that I would return you the money.If you are reasonable, in front of all the people here, I will return you the money and presents will also be returned to you.
Host: Just now…the Marriage Law of our country.There are no detailed rules in the law and it only says that marriage is free, marriage is independent.There are no rules on your situation.I told you that we mainly accord to the rural customs.Although there are no related rules in the law,we deal with it according to the rural customs.So according to the customs, your case is not protected by the law.But your relationship brings in the property problem.As for the property problem, I feel that distinguishing your romantic relationship, there is nothing to be mediated.The key is your property problem.It is caused by the engagement.Now we mediate this for you.As for mediation, we talked about the whole situation just now.Zhangping, the introducer also talks about the whole thing.I feel that you each make any concession and do not pester with each other.The 2000, something presented to the court, the court also… I think that unless you present the money with evidence, the court will ratify the case.Without evidence, the court will not ratify the case, ratify nothing.Who advocate? Who provide evidence? Neither of you can provide the evidence.So in my opinion, today, the case, the female side is sincere.As for the male side, I estimate that they are not sure if the female side returns the money, they are still, still not satisfied.Now, Cheng Gang, it is up to you.The whole case depends on you.I think that 5000 is more or less enough.I feel it’s enough.As for the other things, I thin that you should be more generous.When you go back, you should explain clearly to your parents.Both of you should go back to publicize your parents the Marriage Law.You need to explain the whole case, explain it clearly and this must be done well.Lest,you young have your ideas while your parents have, have their ideas.You both sides, the case, stop mentioning.As for your parents, in the countryside, when people meet each other, they will continue to talk about it.After talking about that, they do not feel comfortable again and will cause some conflicts.You both sides, as for the case,as long as you both make any concession, you are still friends.After all, you all are villagers in one village.Insignificant things… Anything happening, you will also help each other, also help each other.Do not…due to the case.You both are excellent, and you both can, can find another half of you.Your characters are ill-fitting, so you split up with each other.If you get married and then find your characters are ill-fitting and at that time, divorce,things are getting worse.I feel that it’s not late for you to deal with it.The case, firstly, you should listen to the opinion of the village.You should be sincere, sincere.Secondly, besides your sincerity to deal with the problem,you should also go to explain the whole case to your family,your parents.Once the problem is settled, you should never pester with each other again.As for the village, it doesn’t mean that the village deals with the problem for you on purpose.The village has mediated the case for several times, had conversations with you both several times.And Zhangping, that introducer, for your good, he introduced you two for each other.He also works hard on you.He comes to talk with you several times and during the several times, he has done ideological work on you.Zhangping also did much work on you, but the situation in your families was the same, so the village came to make,make a decision for you and mediate between your families, but it’s still up to your sincerity.As for us, the village has no right to settle down the problem for you, no right to settle down the problem for you.They can only mediate.As for mediation, you both need to sign your names, after signing your names, the problem is over and nobody mentions it any longer.It you do not agree, your problem will be dealt through litigation, the law and the court.It’s up to you, your opinion?...
He Ying: Zhang Qiang, How much work did you do at my home?You did for how many days? You count, count by yourself.
Zhang Qiang: you are not at home.You do not admit what I did.
He Ying: Oh, you say.How many days did you do?
Zhang Qiang: at least 30 days.
He Ying: 30 days? 30! How much money do you want?
Zhang Qiang: 20 per day.
He Ying: 20! In our village, is the work you did for us worthy 20 peer day? If we do work for others in the city, we can only get 20 per day.
Zhang Qiang: Anyway, I cannot do the work for nothing and you pay me some money…
He Ying: In our village, 5 per day is enough.
Zhang Qiang: 5? Only a little.5 per day?
He Ying: 10 per day.So what do you want? So that’s it, let’s make a deal.
Host: How about now?
He Ying: only 30 projects and let’s count it 10 per day.
Host: Now, I want to say something.Nowadays, the village is also lack of labor force.Especially many people do work for others in the city.Now in the countryside, it’s hard to employ people.10 per day for you, He Ying , you said that you paid 10 per day for him, it’s not practical.If you agree that 20 per day, I think it is more suitable.But now, I talk with you and this is a kind of help.In the village, people should help each other.This…this problem, my opinion is that just forget it.This is his business.You have the chance to help him, so you just help him.You just compensate him and do not pester with the problem.
Zhang Qiang: That, talk about the problem or not is something in the future.
He Ying: I don’t want to talk with you, don’t want to talk with you.30 days are 30 days.20 per day is 20 per day.Now that we talk about this problem, I just want to settle it down.Make it clear, 20 per day, the sum total is 600.But how about the work my father did at your home? It is at least worthy 100.So the sum total is 500.and I will pay you 5500.Let’s settle down the problem immediately and forever.I don’t want to pester with you any more.What’s your opinion? If you do not agree, but there are 30 projects, if there are 30 as you said, it is only worthy 600.What my father did at your home compensates for 100.So I will pay you 500 at most.The final money returned to you is 5500.If you agree, I will ask the leaders make an agreement and we sigh our names on it and we settle down the problem.If you do not agree, I do not care.I don’ want to talk with you.You are unreasonable.I cannot make things clear with you.You have knowledge and seem smart, but towards such insignificant problem, you are not so generous.You are mean-spirited and talk so much.You are not reasonable, so I do not want to talk with you.
Zhang Qiang: As you said, I do not have my own personality.
He Ying: people like you never say anything nice.What you mother said is even worse.I do not want to argue with her about that.She didn’t come today.If she came, I would give her some words.She talked about the problem everywhere and quarreled with us, so…
Host: Never mention that.That’s your business, not your parents’.Today, I ask you two come.You two young guys,have knowledge, once did work in cities and now you split up but you are sincere to deal with this problem, so as for your parents, that’s not their business.Love and marriage,you two are involved, but something which doesn’t exist,you never mention.Do not expand the coverage of the problem.Moreover, in the future, after this problem is settled, I persuade you… it’s mainly about your parents.In countryside, parents have little knowledge, so when they meet others, they will talk about this problem.Something not good for harmony, they just want to say and something not good for harmony they just want to do, want to do.Both sides affect the relationship.I think that the female side also makes much concession.That means, she will add 500.I want to know if Cheng Gang has any objection or not?
Zhang Qiang: I agree.I think that now that I have cost much of your time, let’s just finish the case in this way.
Host: Now, the agreement, I have made it for you, after that,you both sign your name on it.After that, the whole case is finished.When it is done, I hope you, the young,although your relationship as lovers is gone,…