The Power of Communication
Normally,there are 4 powers of communication,which affect and determine the effects of business communication.
2.1 Expressing Yourself
From the moment people pop out of the womb,they start expressing what they want.They communicate when they are hungry,sad,or happy.Over time,people learn how to use words.Surely,they learn how to name simple emotional and mental states.By the time they are adults,they have developed a full array of strategies to express how they feel and what they want.
Yet even as adults,people are still working on this first power.Adults,rather than getting straight to the heart of what they want,often beat around the bush, deflecting attention from the real issue or need out of the fear of losing“face”—a fear of exposure,a fear they will look silly,a fear they will lose authority or power. Yet learning how to express oneself even when it feels emotionally charged and sensitive is all part of mastering the first power.
The trick is to learn how to express our“inner scripts”—the things that might embarrass people if they express them—in a way that shows people are genuinely conflicted about them.For example,in giving feedback to a boss who handled a situation with her team insensitively,you might say:“I have an inner script:While I know this might cost me my job,I would like to find a time when we could talk about how you might have handled that interaction more effectively.”
2.2 Listening and Responding
Soon after people are born they also begin developing the ability to respond to others.People laugh at funny faces.They sense other people's moods.As they gain the use of language,they respond with words.By the time most of people reach age five or six,they can communicate their thoughts and feelings with another person in a manner that builds a fledgling relationship.
As people grow older,they learn how to participate in a conversation. Meanwhile,they recognize that the other person is their equal and deserves their respect and attention.People begin to establish patterns of communication based on reciprocity and trust-building.
At a more advanced level,people who master this second power can extract a deeper meaning from a conversation than simply what is said.They can paraphrase what they have heard.They can interpret what someone means and add layers of meaning to it.They can validate their interpretation and create deeper bonds of trust with other people.Normally,people call this“validating the exchange.”
2.3 Regulating Attention and Intention
People with the third power show a level of self-awareness and self-control that distinguishes them from second power communicators.It's clear to everyone that you are communicating from a place of considerable self-awareness.People with this power can vary their level of attention and their level of intent,thereby achieving high levels of emotional intelligence.Usually,there are four levels of attention you can bring to any communication:
The level 1 is volition such as“Is my attention voluntary or involuntary?”Similarly,the level 2 means consciousness,for example,“Am I in a highly conscious state or a routine state?”The level 3 should be affinity,for instance,“Am I attracted to or repelled by the communication?”Finally,the level 4 would be quality, such as“Is my attention creative,analytical,or empathetic?”or“Am I varying it based on the situation?”
Third power communicators are aware of each level of attention.Moreover, depending on the situation,they display the social and political awareness to select the appropriate setting within each level.For example,in Level 4,if they are talking to someone who is having problems with a colleague,they may choose to respond analytically:“I've had similar experiences.I know what you're going through. Here's how I handled it.”Or empathetically:“I can really appreciate how you feel. How can I help?”Or creatively:“It's amazing that happened to you.Let's think of some ways you could deal with the situation.”
Third power communicators are also conscious of their intent and can vary it. There are four types of intent:affirmative,controlling,defensive,and relinquishing. Only the first is positive.The others lead to conflict.There is no doubt that third power communicators are able to use an affirming intent 90 percent of the time. Even in the middle of a heated debate,they will say:“I hear what you're saying and I respect your views—even though we disagree.”
Regulating the levels of attention and intent enables third power communicators to show a high level of emotional intelligence.
These qualities of emotional intelligence enable your feelings to be an asset rather than a liability in a political world.People with good political skills know how to read cues.They understand that there may be political limits to what is possible. Above all,they understand that politics count.Successful leaders need to be masters of political self-management.To say in public to your boss,“I think we could have handled this situation much better,”is to put him on the defensive.To say in private,“Can we talk about how you might want to handle this situation if it comes up again?”is more diplomatic and politically savvy.
2.4 Understanding and Responding to People in Their“Style”
People with the fourth power can take their communication one step further: they can vary their communication based on an accurate understanding of the other person's communication style and the assumptions that underlie that style.They have the self-awareness to identify the other person's frame of reference and adapt their own style accordingly—and thus help facilitate productive communication among people with different and often conflicting points of view.
To master the fourth power,you have to recognize that even when people are speaking the same language,they may be talking and listening past each other within different frames of reference and operating assumptions.You have to learn how to identify these different styles,and then learn how to vary your communication style depending on the situation.The fourth power means knowing how to foster better communication by varying your style.
Some scholars described the four different communication styles:the Director, Expresser,Thinker and Harmonizer.Each of these styles operates from a different set of assumptions.Here's a quick snapshot:
Directors are hard-charging,action-oriented leaders,focused on results.The director's style of communicating is assertive and task-oriented.Directors operate on the assumption that quick action and decisiveness are valued,and that people are rewarded for getting things done,the sooner the better.Directors frame the world as a competitive place of action and decisiveness.
Expressers focus on leading through their creative ideas.The expresser's style of communicating is assertive and people-oriented.Their operating assumption is that people should feel free to voice their opinions,think outside of the box,and articulate what they feel.They like to entertain.Expressers frame the world as a place where people are recognized for their personal creativity and achievement.
Thinkers are detail-oriented leaders and focused on what it takes to get the job done right.The thinker's communication style is less assertive than the Director and Expresser.Like Directors,Thinkers are also task oriented；they assume that there is a best way to do things—and it is their job to make sure no mistakes are made. They feel rewarded when a task or project is done well.They frame the world as a place in which to solve problems and get things done.
Harmonizers lead by supporting others.Their communication style is also less assertive than the Director and Expresser.Like Expressers,Harmonizers are peopleoriented.They operate on the assumption that they need to look after the needs of the team and other people's welfare.They feel rewarded when the team performs well.They frame the world as a place where relationships with people are the most important aspect of their lives and prefer to work collaboratively.
People are not simply one of these styles,but an amalgam of all four.To understand how you communicate,you need to know how strongly you exhibit each of these styles.
The fourth power encompasses the highest level of self awareness.Because they are conscious of people's styles,people with this power can use that awareness to shape how they listen.This is truly powerful listening.As they listen,they are able to apply the matrix of communication styles.They can quickly identify the underlying frame of reference and respond in that frame.For the person being listened to,it is an amazing experience.“I feel truly understood by her when I'm talking with her,”is how one person describes it.The difference can be gauged by the reaction you elicit.When you engage in the fourth power,you elicit honest, heartfelt trust.People share their most sensitive stuff.People feel that you truly value their point of view.