6.5 翻译写作的感知、运思、表述阶段
接下来才是学生真正接触翻译任务的阶段。在仿写练习中，学生其实已经充分感知了原文，明白了原文所要表达的含义，所以在真正进行翻译时，感知阶段实际上已经完成了大半，接下来所要进行的就是运思和表述阶段。在进行运思及表述之前要提醒学生暂时忘却原文，要参考仿写练习中自己的作文以及英文商务信函范文。以下为张同学的翻译练习：
Dear Wilson,
We are so delighted to receive your order today.
We are glad to offer you the boots of NO.212.But the boots have been out of stock and we cannot guarantee the additional supply right now because we've got many other orders at the same time.And we have no idea when we are able to supply the boots.
Fortunately,another kind of cheaper boots are available.It is the NO.210 boots in the page 52 of NO.500 catalogue published recently.This kind of boots are similar to the boots you ordered in terms of quality and style.
We can deliver this kind of boots in no time.For the sake of deliberation,however,it is better to consult with you before shipping.
Our company can still promise without question that if the customer are not satisfied with the goods,we can return the money back instantly.
So your benefit is under protection all the time.
If you find the boots are not up to your standard after receiving the goods,you can return the goods and we will refund or exchange other goods for you.
Sincerely yours,
Manager of Sales Department
Mr.Li
February 12,2005
至此，学生的课堂练习已经全部完成，学生共进行了课前练笔、仿写练习、正式翻译三个阶段的练习。将同一学生的课前练笔和正式翻译练习进行对比，便可发现，让学生了解目标语商务信函的文体、语法及语言特征并将其运用到仿写练习中，对正式的翻译练习是有很大帮助的。同时，仿写练习在帮助学生忘却原文、提高最终译文的质量方面也起到了非常积极的作用。这些积极作用我们可以通过对比该同学的课前练笔和最终译文知悉一二。
课前练笔：
Dear Wilson,
Hello!
I am delighted to receive your order today.
Our company are glad to offer you the boots of NO.212.But orders have been required by many distributors recently,which results the under-supply.Now we can't secure additional supply.So the stock that was expected to maintain for a few month has been sold.And we are not sure when we can offer you such goods.
Fortunately,our company has another kind of boots that share a cheaper price.It is the NO.210 boots in the page 52 of NO.500 catalogue published recently.This kind of boots are similar to the boots you ordered in terms of quality and style.
We can deliver this kind of boots in no time.For the sake of deliberation,however,it is better to consult with you before shipping.
Our company can still promise without question that if the customer are not satisfied with the goods,we can return the money back instantly.
So your benefit is under protection all the time.
If you find the boots are not up to your standard after receiving the goods,you can return the goods and we will refund or exchange other goods for you.
Sincerely yours,
Manager of Sales Department
Mr.Li
February 12,2005
对比张同学的课前练笔和正式翻译练习，可发现他的进步主要有如下三点：
第一，在文体方面，课前练笔将“您好！”翻译为“Hello！”，而在正式翻译中采取了不翻译的策略，这正反映了英汉商务书信的一个文体差异。在汉语的商务书信中乃至家书中，常常使用“您好！”“见信好！”等诸如此类的礼貌客套用语，但这在英语的商务书信乃至日常书信中往往不存在，翻译时可以忽略不译，以便符合英文书信书写规范，达到“雅”之目的。
第二，在语法方面，学生在人称方面的使用也更加符合英语商务书信的书写规范。课前练笔中的“今天收到贵方的订单，非常感谢。”（I am delighted to receive your order today.）在正式翻译时更改为“今天收到贵方的订单，非常感谢。”（We are so delighted to receive your order today.）这符合英语商务书信中不使用第一人称单数的书写规范。
第三，在语言使用方面，课前练笔中“我公司十分乐意为贵方提供货号为212的长筒靴，但由于近来很多经销商争相订货，使我公司应接不暇，目前已不能保证追加供应，因此原计划可能维持数月的库存货已全部售出，至于何时能向贵方提供此类货物，可下难定。”（Our company are glad to offer you the boots of NO.212.But orders have been required by many distributors recently，which results the under-supply.Now we can't secure additional supply.So the stock that was expected to maintain for a few month has been sold.And we are not sure when we can offer you such goods.）原文中的一句话被切分成了五句话，句子简短却不简洁，啰啰嗦嗦、支离破碎。而在正式翻译练习中，学生进行了更改：“We are glad to offer you the boots of NO.212.But the boots have been out of stock and we can not guarantee the additional supply right now because we've got many other orders at the same time.And we have no idea when we are able to supply the boots.”译文由原来的五句合成了现在的三句，句子较为流畅，表达清晰，并且注重使用英语的形合手段，较原来的译文更符合英语写作规范，更能达到“信、达、雅”及发挥目标语优势的标准要求。