内外科医生之间的爱恨情仇
1.Internists know everything and do nothing; surgeons know nothing and do everything; psychiatrists know nothing and do nothing; pathologists know everything and do everything but it's too late.
【译文】内科医生什么都懂但什么都不做；外科医生什么也不知道但什么都做；精神科医生什么都不懂什么也不做；病理医生什么都知道，什么都做只是为时已晚。
【点评】随着学科、理念和技术的进步，亲自动手做的内科医生也越来越多了。
2.And even in the cases when we count most on medications, it is evident not only that they often fail to restore health, but that health often returns without them.Whereas in the surgical branch of medicine, one can see that every successful cure… is due primarily to the manual treatment.
—— Celsus, 25 BC——50 AD
【译文】即使在主要依赖药物治疗的病例中，也可明显见到（药物）不仅常常无法让患者恢复健康，反而在不用药物时得以康复。然而在外科领域，你能看到每一次成功的治愈……都主要归功于手术。
3.Surgery should with good reason be preferred to pharmacy, since chance contributes much to this part of medicine which deals with drugs; and by contrast,the effects of operations are clearly evident, obvious and certain.
—— Hieronymus Fabriciusab Aquapendente, 1533——1620
【译文】有充分的理由认为外科手术应比药物更受欢迎。因为在用药物治病的医学专业中，机会因素起了很大作用；相比之下，手术的效果肯定、明确、显而易见。
4.Why are gastroenterologists more imaginative and courageous than us surgeons in employing new and bizarre invasive therapeutic modalities? Because they have somebody (us) to bail them out!
—— Eli Mavor
【译文】为什么胃肠科医生在采用新的、奇特的侵入性治疗方式方面比我们外科医生更富想象力、更有勇气？因为他们有人（我们）来解救他们！
【点评】似乎有些道理。大海中背着救生圈的人比无救生圈的人更无所顾忌。
5.There's nothing in the world more dangerous than an Internal Medicine Resident with a needle in his/her hands.
—— M.Botero
【译文】世上没有什么比手上拿着一支注射器的内科住院医师更危险的了。
6.Ask any surgeon: what is the definition of "shifting dullness?" Answer:"rounds in Internal Medicine".
【译文】 随便问一个外科医生：何为“移动性浊音？”答曰：“内科查房”。
【点评】是说“内科查房”就如同“移动性浊音”一样？还是说要想理解“何为移动性浊音”只能从内科查房时内科医生的描述中去体验呢？如果是前者就太过分了吧？
7.When an internist wants you to urgently operate on his patient with inflammatory bowel disease, assume that the operation was indicated at least a week ago.
【译文】当内科医生要你为他的炎症性肠病患者做紧急手术时，可以认定至少在1 周前就有了手术指征。
【点评】不夸张，笔者就有过类似经历。
8.Accustomed to legerdemain and quick results (the surgeon) is apt to regard the diagnosis and treatment of a headache, for example, as a trivial matter,forgetting that the internist may require hours of probing before discovering that what the patient needs is not a new pair of glasses but a new mother-in-law.
—— Thomas Findley, ?——1944
【译文】习惯了变戏法、见效快的外科医生总是把诸如头痛之类的诊断和治疗视作微不足道的小事，却忘了内科医生可能需要推敲几个小时后才发现他的头痛患者真正需要的不是一副新眼镜，而是需要换一个婆婆。
【点评】如此贬低内科医生，太过分了！
9.A well-known story: an internist, a pathologist and a surgeon went on a hike, during which they observed a strange bird flying above.The internist looked at the bird through his binocular: "a most peculiar bird, he observed, I wish I could examine it".The pathologist counted all possible species the bird could belong to.The surgeon simply aimed his hunting gun and shot the bird down: "here you are gentlemen, now you may reach your diagnosis".
【译文】一个广为人知的故事：一个内科医生、一个病理学家和一个外科医生一同远足，突然发现一只奇特的鸟从头上飞过。内科医生举起望远镜说 ：“这是我见过最奇特的鸟，真想抓来检查检查”；病理学家琢磨着此鸟所属种类的各种可能 ；外科医生则略略瞄了一下他的猎枪将此鸟射了下来：“先生们，现在你们可以去做诊断了”。
10.We surgeons tend to dive into the swamp and look around for alligators while our internist colleagues analyze the swamp water for its osmolarity, acidity,and nutrient contents to see if the water will support life.We are plungers, they are lanners.
—— Alden H.Harken
【译文】当内科同事们在分析沼泽中水的渗透压、酸度和营养成分，看看这水是否能维持生命时，我们外科医生则倾向于直接跳入沼泽去寻找鳄鱼。我们是疏通下水道的皮搋子，他们是天空中盘旋的隼。
11.The surgeon is sometimes despised by the intelligentsia of medicine as a mechanical craftsman.But though he be a hewer of wood and a drawer of water, he has the assurance that such skills are useful to mankind.
—— William Heneage Ogilvie, 1887——1971
【译文】有时，医学圈的大知识分子鄙夷外科医生，视之为机械工匠。可就算外科医生是一介劈柴挑水夫，也可以肯定这些技能对人类是有用的。
【考注】后半句的典故出自约书亚书（Joshua），它讲述了以色列人是如何被诱骗去拯救允诺之地的一些土著居民生命的故事：“王子对他们说，让他们活着吧，且让他们成为全会众的劈柴挑水夫吧”。通过这句话的态度可感知外科医生曾经被轻视的历史。
12.Loeb's laws of medicine: if what you're doing is working, keep doing it; if what you're doing is not working, stop doing it; if you don't know what to do, don't do anything; above all, never let a surgeon get your patient.
—— Leo Loeb, 1869——1959
【译文】勒布医学定律：如果你正在做的事见效，就继续做，如果不管用就别做了；如果你不知道该做什么，那就什么都不要做，最重要的是，一定别让外科医生得到你的患者。
【点评】因为只要患者落在外科医生手上，就速战速决拉去手术了。
13.Only the union of medicine and surgery constitutes the complete doctor.
—— Sushruta, before 8th century, BC
【译文】只有内外科联手才能构成完整的医生。
【点评】随着学科分化越来越细，我们越来越难成为一名完整的医生，所以近年各种MDT的综合诊疗模式越来越受欢迎。
14.Internists are seldom jealous of surgeons; nay, they back up and recommend one another.
—— Plutarch, 46——120
【译文】内科医生很少嫉妒外科医生，不仅如此，他们还互相支持、互相推荐。
15.Oh Lord, why is there so great a difference between a surgeon and a physician? But thou shalt know well this, that he is no good physician that knows nothing of surgery.And the contrary thereof, a man may be no good surgeon if he knows no physic.
—— Lanfranc of Milan, ?——1315
【译文】上帝啊，为什么外科医生和内科医生差别那么大？但你也要知道，对外科一无所知的内科医生不是一名好内科医生。反过来，不懂内科的外科医生也不是一名好外科医生。
16.The internist whose surgeon acts as the motor effector end organ to the physician’s cerebral cortex, associates with an inadequate surgeon.
—— Mark M.Ravitch, 1910——1989
【译文】只把外科医生当作动作效应终端器官，执行内科医生大脑皮质的指令，这样的内科医生只配与不合格外科医生合作。
17.Internal medicine and surgery are based on philosophy and must not be separated except in practice; every physician must be a doctor of both medicines.
—— Paracelsus, 1493——1541
【译文】内科学和外科学都以哲学为基础，除了在实际工作中各有专攻外，不可完全分开；每个医生都必须是内外兼修的医生。
18.Only by standing at the elbow of the surgeon, let me repeat, can the internist hope to attain proficiency in diagnosis and proper ...treatment ...
—— John Blair Deaver, 1855——1931
【译文】让我重复一遍，只有站在外科医生身边，内科医生才有希望获得熟练的诊断和恰当的治疗……
【点评】这并不是夸大外科医生个人的能耐，而是外科专业的特点就是能及时验证许多疾病的真相，因此有助于内科医生在诊断和治疗方面能力的不断提高。
19.Surgery is the red flower that blooms among the leaves that are the rest of medicine.
—— Richard Selzer
【译文】外科是一朵红花，盛开在其他医学专业的绿叶中。
【点评】多么和谐的画面！
20.The practice of medicine is a thinker's art, the practice of surgery a plumber's.
—— Martin H.Fischer, 1879——1962
【译文】内科是思想家的艺术，外科则是水管维修工的艺术。
21.Pathologists and radiographers, like surgeons, are liable to error.Their reports should be confirmed by clinical observation.
—— James Berry, 1860——1946
【译文】像外科医生一样，病理和放射医生也容易出错，其诊断报告须经临床观察加以证实。
22.I've always said that the most useful equipment for a successful surgeon is a pessimistic pathologist.
—— John Rowan Wilson, 1919——?
【译文】我总是说，对一名成功外科医生而言，最有用的“设备”是一名悲观的病理医生。
【点评】悲观而谨慎的病理医生可促进外科医生去不断挖掘出疾病的真相。
23.Surgeons believe that anything with fiber optics on one end should have a surgeon on the other.
—— Edward Thompson
【译文】外科医生认为，光纤一端无论连着什么东西，其另一端都应该有一名外科医生。
【点评】千方百计想一窥究竟，好像是外科医生的天性。