外科医生眼里的其他专科
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1.You recognize a surgeon or an ob-gyn because he has blood on his shoes,a urologist because he has urine on his, and an anesthetist because on his you see spots of spilled coffee.
—— Bernard Cristalli
【译文】鞋子上有血迹的不是外科医生就是妇产科医生，有尿的是泌尿外科医生，有咖啡污渍的是麻醉师。
2.What is the heart to an orthopedic surgeon? The organ that pumps cefazolin to the rest of the body.
—— Michael Châtenay
【译文】骨科医生眼中的心脏是什么样的？就是个将头孢唑林泵到身体其他部位去的器官。
3.Ortho surgeons usually think that the heart's job is to pump antibiotics to their joint replacement.
—— Mark Hamilton
【译文】矫形外科医生通常认为心脏的工作就是为他们的关节置换术输送抗生素。
4.Definition of a double blind trial: two orthopaedic surgeons trying to read an ECG (EKG for our American colleagues).
—— Nick J.Taffinder
【译文】双盲试验的定义：两名骨科医生试图解读一份心电图。
【点评】读不懂心电图的外科医生不仅限于骨科医生。
5.What's the difference between an orthopaedic surgeon and a rhinoceros?One is big and noisy and charges a lot and the other lives in Africa!
【译文】骨科医生和犀牛的区别在哪？一个又大又吵，收费还高，另一个生活在非洲！
6.Orthopedic surgeon: if you can't pin it or cast it, then screw it.
【译文】骨科医生：不能用髓内针，那就做外固定，然后扔在那甭管了。
7.One CT scan is worth a thousand neurologists.
【译文】一个CT扫描顶1000名神经科医生。
【点评】话虽这样说，CT还是替代不了神经外科医生的。
8.How many cardiothoracic surgeons does it take to screw in a light bulb?One——he just holds up the bulb and the world revolves around him.
【译文】换个灯泡需要几个心胸外科医生？一个——他只负责举着灯泡，然后全世界的人都围着他转。
【点评】“How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?”通常用来讽刺“纸上谈兵” 或“ 虚张声势” 不干实事的人。此处有讥讽心胸外科医生之意，认为他们做一台手术常常兴师动众召集一大帮人前呼后拥。
9.Have you ever seen a gynecologist who is convinced that the "acute abdomen" is gynecological in origin, and not due to acute appendicitis?
【译文】你见过有哪位妇科医生会相信“急腹症”源于妇科疾患，而不是急性阑尾炎的吗？
10.If the gynecologist says it is not adnexal it is always adnexal.
—— Leo A.Gordon
【译文】如果妇科医生说那不是附件，反而那一定是附件。
【点评】灯下黑。
11.What is the advantage of a man over a woman? He will never need to be operated on by a gynecologist!
—— Victor Bruscagin
【译文】男人相较于女人有什么优势？那就是他永远不需要妇科医生给他动手术！
12.Going to a male gynecologist is like going to an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
—— Carrie Snow
【译文】去看男性妇科医生就像去找一个从没开过车的汽车修理工。
13.Urological and orthopedic wards are a cemetery for patients with a ruptured AAA (abdominal aortic aneurysm).
【译文】泌尿外科和骨科病房是腹主动脉瘤破裂患者的墓地。
14.The only difference between psychiatrists and their patients is that the patients have a chance of getting better.
【译文】精神科医生和他们的患者之间的唯一区别是：患者有机会好转，而医生没有。
15.Dermatology is the only specialty in medicine where there are 200 diseases and only three types of cream to treat them.
【译文】皮肤科是医学中唯一一个有200种病却只有3种乳霜来治疗的专业。
16.A dermatologist is a doctor who will tell you in Latin what you just told him in your own language.
【译文】皮肤科医生就是把你刚才告诉他的话翻译成拉丁语再讲给你听的医生。
17.The two underlying principles of dermatology: if it is wet then dry it, if it is dry then wet it.
【译文】皮肤病学的两个基本原则：湿的，把它弄干；干的，把它弄湿。
【点评】其实这个原则非常简单实用，处理外科创面也是同样原则。