Long Walk to Forever

1 Long Walk to Forever

By Kurt Vonnegut

They had grown up next door to each other，on the fringe of a city，near fields and woods and orchards，within sight of a lovely bell tower that belonged to a school for the blind.

Now they were twenty，had not seen each other for nearly a year.There had always been playful，comfortable warmth between them，but never any talk of love.His name was Newt.Her name was Catharine.In the early afternoon，Newt knocked on Catharine’s front door.

Catharine came to the door.She was carrying a fat，glossy magazine she had been reading.The magazine was devoted entirely to brides.

“Newt ”she said.She was surprised to see him.

“Could you come for a walk ”he said.He was a shy person，even with Catharine.He covered his shyness by speaking absently as though what really concerned him were far away.This manner of speaking had always been Newt’s style，even in matters that concerned him desperately.

“A walk ”said Catharine.

“One foot in front of the other，”said Newt，“through leaves，over bridges”

“I had no idea you were in town，”she said.

“Just this minute got in，”he said.

“Still in the Army，I see，”she said.

“Seven months more to go，”he said.He was a private first class in the Artillery.His uniform was rumpled.His shoes were dusty.He needed a shave.He held out his hand for the magazine.

“Let’s see the pretty book，”he said.

She gave it to him.“I’m getting married，Newt，”she said.

“I know，”he said.“Let’s go for a walk.”

“I’m awfully busy，Newt，”she said.“The wedding is only a week away.”

“If we go for a walk，”he said，“it will make you rosy.It will make you a rosy bride.”He turned the pages of the magazine.“A rosy bride like herlike herlike her，”he said，showing her rosy brides.Catharine turned rosy，thinking about rosy brides.

“That will be my present to Henry Stewart Chasens，”said Newt.“By taking you for a walk，I’ll be giving him a rosy bride.”

“You know his name ”she said.

“Mother wrote，”he said.“From Pittsburgh ”

“Yes，”she said.“You’d like him.”

“Maybe，”he said.

“Cancan you come to the wedding，Newt ”she said.

“That I doubt，”he said.

“Your furlough isn’t for long enough ”she said.

“Furlough ”said Newt.He was studying a two⁃page ad for flat silver.“I’m not on furlough，”he said.

“Oh ”she said.

“I’m what they call A.W.O.L.，”said Newt.

“Oh，Newt You’re not ”she said.

“Sure I am，”he said，still looking at the magazine.

“Why，Newt ”she said.

“I had to find out what your silver pattern is，”he said.He read names of silver patterns from the magazine.He looked up，smiled.“I plan to give you and your husband a spoon，”he said.

“Newt，Newt，tell me really，”she said.

“Want to go for a walk，”he said.

She wrung her hands in sisterly anguish.“Oh，Newt，you’re fooling me about being A.W.O.L.，”she said.

Newt imitated a police siren softly，and raised his eyebrows.

“Wherewhere are you from ”

“Fort Bragg，”he said.

“How did you get here，Newt ”she said.

He raised his thumb，jerked it in a hitchhike gesture.“Two days，”he said.

“Does your mother know ”she said.

“I didn’t come to see my mother，”he told her.

“Who did you come to see ”she said.

“You，”he said.

“Why me ”she said.

“Because I love you，”he said.“Now can we take a walk ”he said.“One foot in front of the otherthrough leaves，over bridges”

They were taking the walk now，were in a woods with a brown⁃leaf floor.

Catharine was angry and rattled，close to tears.“Newt，”she said，“this is absolutely crazy.”

“How so ”said Newt.

“What a crazy time to tell me you love me，”she said.“You never talked that way before.”She stopped walking.

“Let’s keep walking，”he said.

“No，”she said.“So far，no farther.I shouldn’t have come out with you at all，”she said.

“You did，”he said.

“To get you out of the house，”she said.“If somebody walked in and heard you talking to me that way，a week before the wedding”

“What would they think ”he said.

“They’dthinkyouwerecrazy，”shesaid.

“Why ”he said

“Well，I’m deeply honored，”said Catharine，“and I’m very fond of you as a friend，Newt，extremely fondbut it’s just too late.”She took a step away from him.“You’ve never even kissed me，”she said，and she protected herself with her hands.“I don’t mean you should do it now.I just mean that this is all so unexpected.I haven’t got the remotest idea of how to respond.”

“Just walk some more，”he said.“Have a nice time.”

They started walking again.

“How did you expect me to react ”she said.

“How would I know what to expect ”he said.“I’ve never done anything like this before.”

“Did you think I would throw myself into your arms ”she said.

“Maybe，”he said.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you，”she said.

“I’m not disappointed，”he said.“I wasn’t counting on it.This is very nice，just walking.”

Catharine stopped again.“You know what happens next ”she said.

“Nope，”he said.

“We shake hands，”she said.“We shake hands and part friends，”she said.“That’s what happens next.”

Newt nodded.“All right，”he said.“Remember me from time to time.Remember how much I loved you.”

Involuntarily，Catharine burst into tears.She turned her back to Newt，looked into the infinite colonnade of the woods.

“What does that mean ”said Newt.

“Rage ”said Catharine.She clenched her hands.“You have no right”

“I had to find out，”he said.

“If I’d loved you，”she said，“I would have let you know before now.”

“You would ”he said.

“Yes，”she said.She faced him，looked up at him，her face quite red.“You would have known，”she said.

“How ”he said.

“You would have seen it，”she said.“Women aren’t very clever at hiding it.”

Newt looked closely at Catharine’s face now.To her consternation，she realized that what she had said was true，that a woman couldn’t hide love.

Newt was seeing love now.And he did what he had to do.He kissed her.

“You’re hell to get along with ”she said when Newt let her go.

“I am ”said Newt.

“You shouldn’t have done that，”she said.

“You didn’t like it ”he said.

“What did you expect，”she said，“wild，abandoned passion ”

“I keep telling you，”he said，“I never know what’s going to happen next.”

“We say good⁃by，”she said.

He frowned slightly.“All right，”he said.

She made another speech.“I’m not sorry we kissed，”she said.“That was sweet.We shouldhave kissed，we’ve been so close.I’ll always remember you，Newt，and good luck.”

“You too，”he said.

“Thank you，Newt.”“Thirty days，”he said.

“What ”she said.

“Thirty days in the stockade，”he said，“that’s what one kiss will cost me.”

“II’m sorry，”she said，“but I didn’t ask you to go A.W.O.L.”

“I know，”he said.

“You certainly don’t deserve any hero’s reward for doing something as foolish as that，”she said.

“Must be nice to be a hero，”said Newt.“Is Henry Stewart Chasens a hero ”

“He might be，if he got the chance，”said Catharine.She noted uneasily that they had begun to walk again.The farewell had been forgotten.

“You really love him ”he said.

“Certainly I love him ”she said hotly.“I wouldn’t marry him if I didn’t love him ”

“What’s good about him ”said Newt.

“Honestly ”she cried，stopping again.“Do you have any idea how offensive you’re being Many，many，many things are good about Henry Yes，”she said，“and many，many，many things are probably bad，too.But that isn’t any of your business.I love Henry，and I don’t have to argue his merits with you ”

“Sorry，”said Newt.

“Honestly ”said Catharine.

Newt kissed her again.He kissed her again because she wanted him to.

They were now in a large orchard.

“How did we get so far from home，Newt ”said Catharine.

“One foot in front of the otherthrough leaves，over bridges，”said Newt.

“They add upthe steps，”she said.

Bells rang in the tower of the school for the blind nearby.

“School for the blind，”said Newt.she thought vaguely and said，“It’s time for me to go.”

“Say good⁃by，”said Newt.

“Every time I do，”said Catharine，“I seem to get kissed.”

Newt sat down on the close⁃cropped grass under an apple tree.“Sit down，”he said.

“No，”she said.

“I won’t touch you，”he said.

“I don’t believe you，”she said.

She sat down under another tree，twenty feet away from him.She closed her eyes.

“Dream of Henry Stewart Chasens，”he said.

“What ”she said.

“Dream of your wonderful husband⁃to⁃be，”he said.

“All right，I will，”she said.She closed her eyes tighter，caught glimpses of her husband⁃to⁃be.

Newt yawned.

The bees were humming in the trees，and Catharine almost fell asleep.When she opened her eyes she saw that Newt really was asleep.He began to snore softly.Catharine let him sleep for an hour，and while he slept she adored him with all her heart.

The shadows of the apple trees grew to the east.The bells in the tower of the school for the blind rang again.“chick⁃a⁃dee⁃dee⁃dee，”went a chickadee.

Somewhere far away an automobile started nagged and failed，nagged and failed，fell still.

Catharine came out from under her tree，knelt by Newt.

“Newt ”she said.

“Hm ”he said.He opened his eyes.

“Late，”she said.

“Hello，Catharine，”he said.

“Hello，Newt，”she said.

“I love you，”he said.

“I know，”she said.

“Too late，”he said.

“Too late，”she said.

He stood，stretched groaningly.“A very nice walk，”he said.

“I thought so，”she said.

“Part company here ”he said.

“Where will you go ”she said.

“Hitch into town，turn myself in，”he said.

“Good luck，”she said.

“You too，”he said.“Marry me，Catharine ”

“No，”she said.

He smiled，stared at her hard for a moment，then walked away quickly.

Catharine watched him grow smaller in the long perspective of shadows and trees.She knew that if he stopped and turned now，if he called to her，she would run to him.She would have no choice.

Newt did stop.He did turn.He did call.“Catharine，”he called.

She ran to him，put her arms around him，could not speak.

爱旅无涯

【美】小库尔特·沃内加特他们是门挨门的邻居，两人青梅竹马一起长大。从盲人学校秀丽的钟塔上可以望见他们坐落在城郊的家，以及附近的田野、森林和果园。

现在，他们都已经二十岁了，而且快一年没见面了。他们之间一直存在着那么一种孩子气的、令人愉悦的温情，但两人从未言及爱情。他叫纽特，她叫凯瑟琳。一天下午早些时候，纽特叩响了凯瑟琳家的前门。

凯瑟琳开了门，手里还拿着那本正读着的厚厚的杂志，杂志花里胡哨的，是专门为新娘编的。

“纽特！”看见他站在门外，她惊叫起来。

“能出来走走吗？”他问道。他生性腼腆，即便跟凯瑟琳在一起也不例外。他用漫不经心的说话方式来掩饰自己的羞涩，好像他真正关心的事在千里之外似的。这是他说话的一贯风格，即使在他面对至关重要的大事时也是如此。

“走走？”凯瑟琳说。

“就是一只脚在另一只脚前面，”钮特说，“踏落叶，过小桥……”

“我不知道你回来了。”她说。

“刚回来一分钟。”他回答。

“我明白了，你还在服役。”她说道。

“还有七个月才退役。”他说。他是炮兵部队的一等兵，可是现在军装皱巴巴的，鞋子脏兮兮的，胡子也该刮了。他伸出手要杂志。

“让我看看这本漂亮的书。”他说。

她把书递给他。“我就要结婚了，纽特。”

“我知道，”他说，“让我们出去走走。”

“我忙得不可开交，纽特，”她说，“离结婚日只差一个星期啦。”

“如果咱们出去走走，”他说，“会使你成为玫瑰色的新娘。”他翻看着杂志。“成为像她——像她——像她一样玫瑰色的新娘。”他边说边让她看那些玫瑰色的新娘。想到玫瑰色的新娘，凯瑟琳的脸变成了玫瑰色。

“我送给亨利·斯图尔德·蔡辛斯的礼物，”他说，“就是带你出去走走，再还给他一个玫瑰色的新娘。”

“你知道他叫啥了?”凯瑟琳问。

“我妈写信说的。”他说，“他是匹兹堡人？”

“是，”她回答，“你会喜欢他的。”

“也许吧。”他说。

“你……你能不能来参加婚礼，纽特？”她说。

“我恐怕不能。”他答道。

你的假期不够长？”她说。

“假期？”他在研究杂志上的两页扁平银器广告。“不，我不是在度假。”

“哦？”她问。

“我就是他们所说的那种擅离职守的人。”他说。

“哦，纽特！你不是的！”她说。

“我确实是。”他说，眼睛没离开杂志。

“为什么，纽特？”她问。

“我得为你选择银器图案。”他说。他读杂志上银器图案的名称，抬起头来笑嘻嘻地说：“我打算给你和你的丈夫买把汤匙。”

“纽特，跟我说实话。”她说。

“我想出去走走。”他说。

她气得像个小妹妹似的挥着手。“哦，纽特，你骗我，你没擅离职守。”她说。

纽特轻轻地学了声警笛叫，扬了扬眉毛。

“你……你从哪里来？”

“布拉格要塞。”他说。

“你怎么回来的，纽特？”她说。

他竖起大拇指做了个搭车的姿势。“两天时间，”他说。

“你妈知道吗？”她说。

“我不是回来见我妈的。”他告诉她。

“你想见谁？”她说。

“你。”他说。

“为什么要见我？”她说。

“因为我爱你，”他说。“现在我们能出去走走了吧？”他说道，“就是一只脚在另一只脚前面……踏落叶，过小桥……”

他们此时正踏着满地褐色的落叶在林中走着。凯瑟琳又气又怕，几乎泪下，说：“纽特，这简直是疯啦。”

“怎么会呢？”纽特说。

“直到今日才告诉我你爱我，”她说，“你以前从来没这么讲过。”她停下了脚步。

“我们继续走吧。”他说

“不，”她说，“就到这里，多一步也不走啦。我压根儿就不该跟你出来。”

“可你出来啦。”他说

“那是为了把你引出家门，”她说，“如果有人来，听到你在我就要举行的婚礼的前一周对我说那些话……”

“他们会怎么想？”他说。

“他们会认为你疯了，”她说。

“为什么？”他说。

“唔，我深感荣幸，”

凯瑟琳说，“作为朋友，我非常喜欢你，纽特，喜欢极啦……不过，只是太晚啦。”她从他身旁迈出一步，“你甚至从来没有吻过我。”说完，她又后悔了，所以直摆手护着自己，“我不是说你现在应该吻，我的意思是说，这一切都太出人意料啦，我简直都不知道该如何应对啦。”

“那就接着走吧，”他说，“共度一段美好时光。”

他们又继续走了下去。

“你期望我会有什么反应？”她问。

“我怎么能猜得到，”他答。“我以前又没做过这样的事。”

“你以为我会扑进你怀里？”她问。

“也许是吧。”他说。

“对不起，让你失望啦。”她说。

“我没失望，”他说，“我没指望那样，这样走走挺好。”

凯瑟琳停下了脚步，“你知道接下来会发生什么事儿吗？”她说。

“不知道。”他说：“我们握手，然后作为朋友分手，”她说，“这就是接下来会发生的事儿。”

纽特点了点头：“好吧，时不时地想想我，记着我多么爱你。”

凯瑟琳不由自主地落下泪来。她转过身去，望着无边无际森林里的一行行树木。

“这又是什么意思？”纽特问道。

“愤怒！”凯瑟琳说，她握紧了拳头，“你没有权利……”

“我只能试试看。”他说。

“要是我以前爱上了你的话，”她说，“我肯定会赶在这之前让你知道。”

“你会吗？”他问。

“我会的，”她面对着他，仰起的脸蛋儿红扑扑的，“你会知道的，”她说。

“怎么才能知道呢？”他问。

“你会看出来的，”她说，“女人不善于掩饰爱情。”

纽特现在可以更近地观察到凯瑟琳的表情。她惊恐地意识到自己说的话是真的，女人的爱是掩不住的。纽特此刻看到了爱。他做了他该做的事，他吻了她。

“你可真难相处！”纽特一放开她，她就说。

“我吗？”纽特问。

“你不该这样。”她说。

“你不喜欢吗？”他问。

“你料想会有什么？”她问，“狂野、放荡的激情吗？”

“我一直在告诉你，”他说，“我从来不知道下一步会发生什么事儿。”

“我们说再见。”她说。

他微微皱了皱眉，说道：“好吧。”

她又开始演说了。“我不为我们吻过了难过，那一吻很甜蜜。我们早该吻过了，我们的关系那么亲密。我会永远记着你，纽特，祝你好运。”

“也祝你好运。”他说。

“谢谢你，纽特。”

“三十天。”他说。

“什么三十天？”她问。

“三十天禁闭，”他说，“那就是我这一吻的代价。”

“我……我对不起你，”她说，“可我也没让你擅离职守。”

“我知道。”他说。

“你做了这么愚蠢的傻事，当然不配得到英雄似的奖赏。”她说。

“做个英雄一定感觉很好，”纽特说，“亨利·斯图尔德·蔡辛斯是英雄吧？”

“如果有机会，他也许会成为英雄的。”凯瑟琳说，她不安地意识到俩人又继续走下去了，道别的事儿已经被遗忘了。

“你真爱他？”他问

“我当然爱他！”她慷慨激昂地说，“我不爱他怎么会嫁给他！”

“他有什么好？”纽特说。

“老实说！”她喊道，又停下了脚步，“你知不知道你一直在冒犯别人？亨利有好多、好多、好多优点！当然，也许还有许多、许多、许多缺点，可这不关你的事。我爱亨利，我不需要跟你争论他有什么优点！”

“对不起。”他说。

“老实说！”凯瑟琳说。

纽特又吻了她，因为她要他这么做。

这时，他们已经走进了一个大果园。“我们怎么走得离家这么远啦，纽特？”凯瑟琳说。

“一只脚在另一只脚前面……踏落叶，过小桥。”纽特回答说。

“加在一起，就是一步。”她总结道。

附近盲人学校塔上的钟声响了。

“盲人学校。”凯瑟琳说道。她迷迷糊糊琢磨着，说道：“我现在该回去了。”

“说再见吧。”纽特说。

“似乎我每一次说再见，”凯瑟琳说，“都会得到一个吻。”

纽特在一棵苹果树下密密的草丛中坐了下来，说道：“坐下吧。”

“不”她答道。

“我不会碰你的。”他说。

“我信不过你。”她走到离他二十英尺远的另一棵树下坐下来，闭上了眼睛。

“去梦里见亨利·斯图尔德·蔡辛斯吧。”他说。

“你说什么？”她问。

“去梦里见你那出类拔萃的未婚夫吧。”他答。

“好哇，我会的。”她说。她紧紧地闭上了眼睛，脑海里浮现出未婚夫的影子。

纽特打了个哈欠。

蜜蜂在树木间嗡嗡嗡，凯瑟琳快要睡着了，等她睁开了眼睛，看到纽特真的睡着了，还轻轻地打起了呼噜。她让他睡了两个小时，她就这么看着他，她满心欢喜。

苹果树的树影渐渐东移，盲人学校塔上的钟声又起，一只山雀喳喳叫着飞了过去。远处某个地方有个汽车发动机在点火，火灭了，又点火，火又灭了，又恢复了平静。

凯瑟琳从她坐的那棵树下走了过来，在纽特的身旁跪下。

“纽特？”她说。

“嗯？”他答，睁开了眼睛。

“很晚了。”她说。

“嗨，凯瑟琳。”他说。

“嗨，纽特。”她说。

“我爱你。”他说。

“我知道。”她说。

“太晚啦。”他说。

“太晚啦。”她说。

他站了起来，哼哼唧唧地伸了个懒腰。“一次非常愉快的散步。”他说道。

“我也觉得是。”她说。

“在这儿作为朋友分手？”他问。

“你要去哪儿？”她说。

“搭车回城，自首去。”他说。

“祝你好运。”她说。

“也祝你好运。”他说，“凯瑟琳，嫁给我好吗？”

“不。”她说。

他微微笑着，使劲盯着她看了一会儿，然后快步离去。

凯瑟琳望着他的身影在树和树影长长的景致中越来越小，她意识到，如果他此刻停住脚步转回身，如果他喊她的名字，她就会向他跑去，她别无选择。

纽特确实停下了脚步，他的确转过身来，他真的喊道：“凯瑟琳！”

她向他奔去，张开双臂拥着他，一句话也说不出来。