What Motherhood Really Means
By Dale Hanson Bourke
Time is running out for my friend.While we are sitting at lunch，she casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of“starting a family”.What she means is that her biological clock has begun its countdown，and she is being forced to consider the prospect of motherhood.
“We’re taking a survey，”she says，half joking.“Do you think I should have a baby ”
“It will change your life，”I say carefully keeping my tone neutral.
But that’s not what I mean at all.I try to decide what to tell her.
I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes that the physical wounds of childbearing heal，but that becoming a mother will leave an emotional wound so raw that she will be forever vulnerable.
I consider warning her that she will never read a newspaper again without asking，“What if that had been my child ”That every plane crash，every fire will haunt her.That when she sees pictures of starving children，she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.
I look at her manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is，becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.That an urgent call of“Mom ”will cause her to drop her best crystal without a moment’s hesitation.
I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career，she will be professionally derailed by motherhood.She might arrange for child care，but one day she will be going into an important business meeting，and she will think about her baby’s sweet smell.She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home，just to make sure her child is all right.
I want my friend to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine.That a five⁃year⁃old boy’s desire to go to the men’s room rather the women’s at a restaurant will become a major dilemma.That issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may he lurking in the lavatory.However decisive she may be at the office，she will second⁃guess herself constantly as a mother.
Looking at my attractive friend，I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the added weight of pregnancy，but she will never feel the same about herself.That her life，now so important，will be of less value to her once she has a child.That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring，but will also begin to hope for more years—not to accomplish her own dreams，but to watch her child accomplish his.
My friend’s relationship with her husband will change，but not in the ways she thinks.I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is always careful to powder the babyor who never hesitates to play with his son or daughter.I think she should know that she will fall in love with her husband again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.
I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to hit a ball.I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog for the first time.I want her to taste the joy that is so real it hurts.
My friend’s quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.“You’ll never regret it，”I say finally.Then，squeezing my friend’s hand，I offer a prayer for her and me and all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this holiest of callings.
做母亲
【美】戴尔·汉森·博克
我朋友快做母亲了。我们坐在餐桌前吃午饭的时候，她漫不经心地提到他和丈夫正在考虑“开始家庭生活”。她的意思是她十月怀胎的孕期即将结束，产期进入倒计时，她要考虑做母亲了。
“我们在搞民意测验，”她半开玩笑地问我，“你觉得我应该要孩子吗？”
“孩子会改变你现有的生活。”我尽量使自己的口气显得客观。
然而，这句话却没有道出我的全部看法，我在考虑对她说些什么合适。
我想让她学到在母婴课上学不到的东西：生产的伤口可以愈合，情感上的严重创伤却永难修复，她会因为做母亲而成为一个终生脆弱的人。
我在考虑给她预警，从此以后，她读报的时候总会自问：“假如那是我的孩子呢？”每一次的飞机失事，每一次的火灾报道都会让她牵肠挂肚。每次看见饥饿的儿童，她总会想，世界上最悲痛的事莫过于眼睁睁地看着自己的孩子饿死。
看着她染过的指甲和时尚的套装，我想，不论她原本多么世故，多么老练，做了母亲之后，她都会降到一只保护幼崽的母熊似的原始水平。一声急切地呼唤“妈妈！”会让她毫不犹豫地放下手里最珍贵的水晶饰物。
我觉得应该给她预警：不论她在事业上摸爬滚打多少年，做母亲都会让她分心。她也许会请保姆，尽管如此，她参加重大商务会议时，依然还会想起宝宝甜蜜的味道。她只有靠严格的自律才不至于随时随地溜回家，只为了看看宝宝是否一切正常。
我想让她知道，平日里的决策不再是一成不变的。在饭店里，五岁的儿子不肯去女厕所，却强烈要求去男厕所就是一个两难的问题。因为作为母亲，既要顾及孩子独立自主的意愿和确认性别角色的要求，又要提防男厕所里可能潜伏的不轨之徒对儿童进行性骚扰。不论她在单位怎样雷厉风行，杀伐决断，但作为母亲，她会经常在事后自责不已。
看着我漂亮的闺蜜，我想向她保证：她最终会摆脱怀孕的重负，却永远也不会依然故我。一旦有了孩子，原本被她视为至关重要的生命都会贬值。为了救自己的孩子，她可以马上牺牲自己。一旦有了孩子，她会年复一年地关注和期冀着孩子愿望的达成，而不是自己愿望的实现。
她与丈夫的关系会发生变化，但绝非她所想象的那种变化。但愿她能懂得：肯为孩子扑爽身粉，总是毫不犹豫地乐于同儿女嬉戏玩耍的男子多么值得去爱。我想，她会为一些毫无浪漫可言的日常琐事再度爱上丈夫。
我想向我的朋友描绘一下看到孩子学会击球的喜悦心情。我想提醒她留意宝宝第一次抚摸小狗那软软的毛时所发出的那开心的笑声。我想要她去体味快乐，尽管这种快乐真切地让人心痛。
看到我朋友诧异的表情，我意识到自己已是热泪盈眶。我最后说：“做母亲，你永远也不会后悔。”随后，我捏了捏她的手，为她，为我，为所有跌跌撞撞走进母亲这个世界上最神圣行列的平凡女人献上我的祈祷。